Tonight we're the sea and the salty breeze...

Sun, 11 Jul 2004 05:13:39 GMT

I'm done.

I'm done being a person I'm not.

So, this is it. If people care, fine. If they don't, fine. I know the people who I thought cared really ended up not really caring at all in the end. And that's fine. How dare I think the human race has anymore civil people left in it.

I'm done pretending I'm happy. I'm done not telling the truth.

You want the truth? I lost my heart 8 months ago, and I'll never get it back. I lost my fucking soul. And it's yours now. Keep it. Throw it way. Do what you like. I just hope you're fucking happy with it.

You want the truth? I was born with a back problem that probably will end up killing me in a few years. A back problem that keeps me from doing shit YOU do every fucking day.

On top of that, people have done nothing but walk all over me for tha past 7 years. I'm too weak for suicide, otherwise I would have been dead at age 11. Don't think I didn't try.

There's so much so many people don't know. Simply because they are caught up in their own ego-centric fucked up worlds.

Well, I'm not living in your worlds anymore. I'm living in mine, and mine alone.

I hope being completely selfish fucks works out for you and the rest of the "human" race.

I'm deleting this journal in day, along with my screen name.

Sun, 11 Jul 2004 03:04:57 GMT

I have 9 bug bites and a large cut on the top of my head.

Go me.

Mind-fuck

Wed, 07 Jul 2004 05:39:48 GMT

It often irkens me how far ahead of my time I am. While others are reacting, I am acting. I often tell others I was born with two heads; the other is up my ass. Vibrations stimulate me while direct force does nothing but leave me inert. I've decoded the dispatch. It seems they have nothing new to say. But I do. My alternative usage of large words in place of smaller ones accomplishes a significant boost in character. Semantics is my forte. Syntax is my weapon of choice. The blocking of synapses forces the syndicate to crumble. The brain is merely a synchronized mass of energy moving at speeds uncapable of fathoming. We are all traitors beneath the flood lights.

Hands up in the air. Move slowly. Don't make any sudden movements.

The apex of the heart's relapse moved in a 4-4 pattern. The static was nearly deafening.

Tue, 06 Jul 2004 04:55:44 GMT

7/5/2004

R.I.P.

Sun, 04 Jul 2004 23:02:42 GMT

This is friends only now.

For real.

If I deleted you (wink wink), promptly go to Hell.

Sun, 27 Jun 2004 05:23:38 GMT

Farenheit 9/11 is amazing.

The end.

Mon, 21 Jun 2004 05:07:59 GMT

Dear MTV,

Pimp my ride.

Love,

Bill

Thu, 17 Jun 2004 17:45:06 GMT

I really have nothing interesting to say anymore. Not that I ever did.

I have to buy a new camera, my shutter is completely fucked, and the pricing to get it fixed is ridiculous.

Jack's Camera is going to call me next week about the job.

Mr. Reuter is in my photo class at the Art Center. It was odd seeing him there.

There's also a gay [literally] goth kid.

That's all.

Mon, 14 Jun 2004 04:03:01 GMT

It's 20 below in my chest and it's only getting colder.

Fri, 11 Jun 2004 02:56:43 GMT

I deleted my photo journal. I don't think many people read it. From now on, I'll just put pictures in here. Speaking of which, here you go.

I think I got a job at this little camera shop by my house. I'm excited.

That's all.

Wed, 09 Jun 2004 17:48:22 GMT

Did anyone else see the Venus transit?

Sat, 05 Jun 2004 21:59:04 GMT

"Let's pretend the playground is our ship."
"Okay, where should we go?"
"I don't know, the snack shack."

Love

Fri, 04 Jun 2004 02:58:49 GMT

The greatest things in life are found in the smallest places.

A babies beating heart.
A butterfly.
A lit candle.
A cat napping.
A random smile.

I really cannot wait to see my cousins tomorrow. The three of them bring something out of me that nothing else can. There's something about a baby smiling at you, or a toddler running up to you and hugging you for no reason. It makes you feel like you matter, and that you do make someone else happy.

If only everyone could just stay 4 years old.

Fri, 04 Jun 2004 02:42:55 GMT

I'm sick of being lied to.
I'm sick of being led astray.
I'm sick of George Bush.
I'm sick of value meals and dollar menus.
I'm sick of not being noticed.
I'm sick of being noticed at all.
I'm sick of feminists.
I'm sick of bad drivers.
I'm sick of being trampled on.
I'm sick of being used.
I'm sick of being taken for granted.
I'm sick of not being enough.
I'm sick of being just inches away from the finish line.
I'm sick of always being stagnant.
I'm sick of this room.
I'm sick of this city.
I'm sick of this state.
I'm sick of this coast.
I'm sick of whores.
I'm sick of almost every female I've ever known.
I'm sick of almost every person I've ever known.
I'm sick of soap-opera drama applied to everyday life.

I'm sick of caring at all.

Thu, 27 May 2004 05:07:13 GMT

He had to stop this. He had to stop things from fading away and then rushing back at him. He had to stop the smotherings and the sinkings and the risings. He had to stop the fear that made him want to yell and holler and laugh and claw himself to death with a pair of hands that were rotting in some hospital dump. He had to get hold of himself so he could think. This had been going on for too long. His stumps were healed over now. The bandages were gone. That meant time had passed. A lot of time. Enough time so that he had to come out of it and think. He had to think of himself of _____ _____ and what he was going to do next. He had to figure things out all over again. It was like a full grown man suddenly being stuffed back into his mother's body. He was lying in stillness. He was completely helpless. Somewhere sticking in his stomach was a tube they fed him through. That was exactly like the womb except a baby in its mother's body could look foward to the time when it would live. He would be in this womb forever and ever and ever. He must remember that. He must never expect or hope different. This was his life from now on every day and every hour and every minute of it. He would never again be able to say hello how are you I love you. He would never again be able to hear music or the whisper of the wind or the chuckle of running water. He never again breathe in the smell of steak frying in his mother's kitchen or the dampness of spring in the air or the wonderful fragrance of sagebrush carried on the wind across a wide open plain. He never again be able to see the faces of people who made you glad just to look at them, of people like _____. He would never again be able to see sunlight or the stars or the little grasses that grow on Colorado hillsides. He would never again walk with his legs on the ground. He would never run or jump or stretch out when he was tired. He would never be tired. If the place where he lay were burning he would simply stay there and let it burn. He would burn up with it and not be able to make a move. If he should feel an insect crawling over the stump of a body that remained he could not move one finger to destroy it. If it stung him he could do nothing to ease the itch except maybe to writhe a little against his covers. And this life wouldn't last only today or tomorrow or until the end of next week. He was in his womb forever. It wasn't any dream. It was real.

Tue, 25 May 2004 05:22:04 GMT

So, I made a new layout, along with the background image. Bordem get's the best of me.

Soon I'll be most likely be working at a daycare all week. I honestly can't wait. Children bring out a happiness in me that not too many things can these days, especially my 3 cousins. They're the most beautiful people in this world.

I updated my photo journal. Have a look. Comments are always appreciated.

Sun, 23 May 2004 02:08:11 GMT

This past decade or so has been nothing short but disasterous. We are witnessesing the complete downfall of civilization, and sadly, it will all come to a head sooner than we think. Ignorance is bliss, but only for so long.

A brief synopsis of the last few years (...or more).

9/11, Osama Bin Laden, Guantanmo Bay, shoe-bombings, anthrax, frightening increases in AIDs, the patriot act, shock and awe, incessant warnings of further terrorist attacks ("Not if but when"), failure of Enron-Patmalat-Dutch oil, insane increase in prices of gas, SARs, chemtrails, global warming, Waco, "The Spanish 9/11", Nick Berg beheaded by "terrorists", the Abu-Ghraib scandal, pre-emptive war on Iraq, led into a war without just reason, led into war without the UN, the "capture" of Saddam, and the list goes on and on and on and on and...

One cannot study the TRUTH about all of these events without having their mind fully numbed. However, if you DON'T search out the truth, your mind will stay numb until the truth smacks you in the fucking head like a sledge hammer.

A lot of people that I care about read my journal, and I wish for them to find the truth. Some people will dismiss what I have to say as merely conspiracy theory or utter nonesense, which is understandable. However, all the evidence is substantial and there. Seek out the truth.

Every event that has happened thus far has been planned out by very powerful men and women. These men and women belong to what some may have heard of, the shadow government. This shadow government doesn't just reflect OUR government (USA) but a WORLD government. Wealthy men and women from all around the world pull the strings from behind the scenes. They manipulate us. They lie. They kill. And all in the name of power.

Yes, a shadow government exists.

Yes, the illuminati exists.

Yes, secret societies, such as Yale's "Skull and Bones" exist, and many powerful people (ie-George Bush and John Kerry) belong to these societies.

These societies exist exclusively to ensure that it's members gain positions of power in the world.

Yes, a global effort towards a One World Government, or a New World Order, exists.

"Out of these troubled times, our fifth objective - a New World Order - can emerge. When we are successful, and we will be, we have a real chance at this New World Order, an order in which a credible United Nations can use its peacekeeping role to fulfill the promise and vision of the United Nations' founders.'"
-George Bush Sr, September 11th 1990

September 11th. Hmm.

These people, if they had it their way, would place us all in martial law and throw us into concentration camps (oh, by the way, there are at least 3 empty, stocked and ready-to-go prisons in every state in America. You can thank our fascist attorney general, since he funded the building of these prisons and all..

What? Concentration camps? Like Hitler? And The Holocaust?

Yep.

http://www.apfn.org/apfn/camps.htm

I could go on for days and days about all the different things going on in America right now, but I think you get the general idea. Do some research, find the truth, be free. A good person to read material by is David Icke. If you find him to be a bit too "intense," try Alex Jones.

www.infowars.com

"Know the truth...and the truth shall set you free."

Sat, 22 May 2004 07:57:37 GMT

I'd trade these memories of you for blank stares and smiles directed towards me haphazardly in a moments notice. The simple fact is that they wouldn't nearly burrow into my brain and through my spine and into my heart where they explode upon arrival like a faulty rocketship touching down on a lunar surface only to burst during the final landing phases as fast as these carbon copies of your ghost do. Your fallacy haunts me.
My life isn't faulty as a result of an ailment of the physical sort. My life is plagued by ironies. All of us are overwhelmed by the ironies and the abominable idiosyncrasies of life. But only some of us have both eyes open.
Some of us have no eyes at all. You, however, choose to keep yours tightly sealed. You fear the truth. You've built the wall around you that you believe protects yourself out of nothing but lies and deciet. I've tried to break it, as many have, and in return, it broke me. I still believe you'll put my pieces back in their proper places. Naivety haunts me as well.

It's evident that the wall surrounding you cannot be broken. I guess then it must be scaled. I'd spend day after day climbing it until I reach the top. Knowing you, though, you'd probably decide to destroy it with me at the top in an attempt to bury me in the rubble of your past.

Oh, but it wouldn't be the first time.

I guess I know you too well.

Wed, 19 May 2004 07:43:06 GMT

I have pink eye.

It never ends.

Mon, 17 May 2004 16:53:19 GMT

What a day yesterday was.

First off, I heard the PETA protest/pig roast was a huge flop. No one from PETA showed up, and neither did I, thankfully. Instead I drove into Philly and visited the zoo. I don't know why. I haven't been to a zoo in a good 6 or 7 years.

I have pictures of it all in my photo journal. It was fun.

Anyway.

Most of you that know me personally know that my hair is fairly insane. Some days it's kind of straight, some days it's curly, some days it's just a bit wavy. But I'm sick of my hair, so I bought an exspensive hair straightening system. No more curls or waves. Just straightness. Sorry for the dissapointment.

That's all.

Fri, 14 May 2004 03:13:39 GMT

Do I come off as a twenty-something year old? Apparently I do.

My photo teacher and I spent most of class talking politics. It was fun. She called me a good kid and it made me smile. It's nice to hear things like that every once in awhile, especially from people you don't know too well.

Now, I'm not a french fry person, but I have decided that Wendy's french fries are amazing. Along with Barq's root beer. Doesn't get any better.

Sunday is going to be fantastic. I can't wait to throw bolonga at the PETA protesters that show up to the pig roast.

Yep. That's all.

Mon, 10 May 2004 20:22:54 GMT

I updated my photo journal, in case anyone's interested.

Other than that, I've got nothing new to say.

Fire Rumsfeld.

Mon, 10 May 2004 01:25:58 GMT

"Nothing is what it seems and while we may appear to be seeing the expansion and grotesque expression of American might and power we are actually watching that power and sense of nationhood being systematically destroyed." - David Icke

I'm so fucking disgusted with this entire world, or at least how "my" country has transformed this world into the one it is today.

I'll give us another 8 years. Then it's goodbye.

"I've gotta keep my PMA"

Thu, 06 May 2004 20:43:11 GMT

I really don't have much to say. Adam's speech last night was great. He made the whole audience clap for me, and it rocked. He's one of the few people in my life that is actually human.

My classes end soon, but as soon as they end, new ones start, including a new photography class and a class on modern poetry. I'm fairly excited.

On a side note, I'm not letting your shit get to me. Thanks.

Thu, 29 Apr 2004 02:06:25 GMT

I love laughing at Opie and Anthony. Too bad they aren't on anymore.

I also love my life. Really. Things are looking fantastic from this point on.

I don't really have anything else to say. I updated my photo journal with some new stuff. Go look.